Baiting Bigfoot

Baiting Bigfoot

“How do you catch a Bigfoot, Boss?”

“Renee,— there are no Bigfoots, no Flying saucers, no Easter bunnies and no Honest Politicians. And you can forget about the contest to find one, cause it ain’t a gonna’ happen.”

“But if there was one, how would you go about finding it. I mean if a detective can’t find something that big, who could?”

“Well yes, you do have a point there. Go back to your clipping and I’ll think about it.” The trouble was, once she’d gotten me thinking about it I couldn’t stop.

“Ok Renee. I figured how to do it.”
“Do what?”

“Catch a Bigfoot. It was your question after all. You need to find the perfect bait. And logically that’s something no one has ever done before. After all, if someone found the perfect bait, and used it, we would have cages full of the things, not phony movies showing people running around in gorilla suits. Anyone can run around in a gorilla suit.”

“Not anyone! I don’t even have a gorilla suit!”

“Back to your clippings Renee.” I had her cutting out crime related stories from the local papers and filing them away for possible use some other time. Empty filing cabinets and too much spare time was the problem.

Just before lunch the next day Renee asked for the afternoon off. Slow was too fast a word to describe business just now. I had no problem in letting her leave early. She gathered her things, and the paper bag her lunch was in, and going out the door said. “Wish me luck; I’m off to find the Bigfoot.”

“Good luck,” I said. “And be careful, I hear they bite.” I had a good laugh over that as the door swung shut.

She beat me into work next morning. I was glad to see her key still worked, first time she needed to use it in a month. Before I had my coat off she started talking.

“You were right Boss, I found one. I found a whole family of them, out by Melstrand.”

“Photo’s, fur, plaster casts of foot prints, what kind of proof do you have?”

“Nothing, the money for first place just isn’t that important. They don’t belong in cages! You shudda’ seen how happy they were, and friendly too. They must have never tasted anything so good in their lives. That idea about bait, that’s what did it.”

“No photo, no fur, no proof. Will you at least tell me what you used for bait?”

“Only if you promise not to use it yourself or tell anyone else. No cages ever!”
“My word on it.”
“It was a cheese sandwich.”
“A Cheese Sandwich?”

“Yes! When you said I needed the perfect bait, well, I tried to think of something better than perfect.”

“Nothing’s better than perfect Renee.”

“Exactly, that’s how I figured it too. Nothing is better than Perfect, but, if you’re hungry, a Cheese Sandwich is better than Nothing!”